taking the girls to rest time

We were away for the weekend with another family. The four girls (4-6 years) were very excited, staying up late, and getting up early the next day. After an active trip to the beach, we had some lunch, and then the parents agreed on a rest time for the children. I was concerned that they would otherwise become strained and exhausted.

I went to the girls and explained to them what was happening. “If we rest and relax, then we are able to play some more,” I told them. Erica immediately said no, she did not want to have rest time. I didn’t argue; I simply continued telling them how wonderful rest time would be. They could lie on their beds, look at books, and then after a quiet period, they could get up. The other three girls by this time were moving toward the house, so I turned and walked with them. Erica, unsure how to refuse anymore, slowly followed us.

They silently came into the house, found books, and sat on their beds. I asked them what they would read and where they would lie down. Then I left, ready to return if they needed some reminders. The contrast between this calm atmosphere and the earlier excitement was quite palpable. The rest lasted about half an hour, and then they all played happily for another two hours, without any intervention.

How do children become cooperative instead of adversarial? The way we talk to them actually cues their response. I didn’t ask them any questions about what they would like. I simply told them what was going to happen. Knowing what is going to happen is comforting, not confining. I also explained how rest time would feel good to them. Children often need reminders about what will feel good. The reality of rest time, for all human beings, is that it gives us the respite from activity that makes our activity enjoyable. Resting itself, of course, can be enjoyable. Children will realize this if they are guided to it, but they cannot usually regulate their own rest periods. I the adult, by acting as their clock and schedule, become a very helpful influence for them.