unconditional love

Is parenting a sacrifice or a reward?

When we become parents, we essentially say to another human being, I will give to you regardless of whether you give back. I will feed you. I will shelter you. I will teach you. I will do these things without thanks and without any assurance of some return. I will do them out of duty and honor and need. I will also do them out of love.

Isn’t this a fabulous opportunity for us? We have a chance to be God. The usual perception of God as the Father or Mother places us on the receiving end of the equation, not the giving end. Have you considered that, in relation to your child, you are becoming the divine Giver? The usual tendency is to dismiss the idea of our own greatness, or to emphasize all the ways in which we fall short of greatness. Why not take a moment to reflect on how many ways you give to your child, in the same way that the flowers give bloom, and the trees give oxygen? This is unconditional love. It is so natural that it can even seem commonplace.

It’s surprising to notice how much happiness people derive, without knowing it, from the needs of other people. So many times I have emerged from low spirits simply by hearing the appreciation of someone I have helped in some way. We thrive on being needed and wanted. Parenting is the simplest way to fulfill some of the most pressing, immediate needs. If we gain joy from being wanted and needed, then parenting can bring the greatest joy. “It’s the most important job you’ll ever have,” one colleague said to me.

I have always seen my work with children in this light. I have felt myself change inside through the many demands and momentary impulses that a life with children contains. The patience, calmness, and humility I have gained with children is worth just as much as anything they have gained from me.

: : : The world of children is a world of intense love.