being alone

How do children value quiet time?

I had an afterschool class that sometimes needed to take a break from constant activity with each other. Children often don’t regulate their energy very well, playing until they are emotionally exhausted, and even then not realizing how they feel. So I created alone time. This is one of the great powers that adults have: conceiving a plan, naming it, and carrying it out. Once I explained alone time to the children, it was real.

I said to the children, “After we have enjoyed a lot of games together, it can feel wonderful to have some time alone, some quiet time. Then we can think our own thoughts and have our own ideas and breathe slowly and enjoy the silence. Then we feel ready to play with others again. So each of you will have a special place for your alone time. You can choose one toy or game or book to have in your place. It has to be a game that you can play alone. Choose something you can play for a long time, because we will do this for ten minutes.” Then one by one I assigned the children a place and helped them choose an activity.

The room became so peaceful! Children live in a psychic space as much as a physical one, and it really did not matter that they could all see each other. They understood that they would be alone, and they acted that way. Although they may have protested at first, they really needed this time, and they sensed that. Their nervous systems had a chance to calm down. Their minds had a chance to reflect.

How many opportunities like this do we give children? Between home and school, life can become a never-ending series of stimulations, from other people, from video and audio media, and from impulsive change. It is no wonder that many children have difficulty taking quiet time; they don’t really know what it is. Stillness is as natural as breathing. When we adults give quiet time as much importance as eating or bathing or going to school, children learn to value it.

: : : Quiet periods come through practice, habit, and rhythm.