not liking meals

How can we instill the right eating habits?

Children in our school sometimes leave their lunches half eaten, or even untouched. They rush off to an important game, unwilling to miss even a minute of their exciting play. In response, it is our practice as teachers to insist that everyone sit down for a period of time at the beginning of recess to make sure they eat the food their bodies need. Even those who are finished can enjoy a few minutes at the table with those who are not.

I believe that children’s bodies will tell them what they need if we remove the distractions. There are many distractions: overstimulating foods (like sweets), overstimulating company (like each other), and overstimulating habits (like impulsive eating, without a routine). Our bodies function much better when we are calm.

One reader writes of a child who does not like meals and complains about eating. I wonder what experience this child associates with meals. Are they testing the child’s patience? Are the expectations unclear for the child? Do the meals follow a predictable routine? I would suggest making a set of concrete guidelines for eating, and then repeating them as often as necessary. Children tend to complain less when they know the complaints really won’t change anything.

It is often very hard for adults to be utterly consistent with children, yet consistency is what gives them emotional stability. Their play often follows repetitive and predictable patterns. They are always trying to make sense of what is going on. I think one of the deepest sources of anxiety in children is the unpredictability of other people, especially caretakers. If parents allowed this yesterday, will they allow it today? When they say something will happen, will it really happen? These questions apply to all of the ways we regulate children’s lives, and especially to something as basic as eating.

Sometimes complaining itself becomes a habit, without any particular goal in the child’s mind. Then I begin calling attention to the behavior. “I notice you are using a complaining voice to say that. Is there another way to say it? A cheerful voice is much more enjoyable. If you can use a cheerful voice, I will want to listen to you.” Self-awareness helps children understand how they influence other people. As they understand their power better, they will use it for better ends.

: : : Make routines; keep them; celebrate them.

being alone

How do children value quiet time?

I had an afterschool class that sometimes needed to take a break from constant activity with each other. Children often don’t regulate their energy very well, playing until they are emotionally exhausted, and even then not realizing how they feel. So I created alone time. This is one of the great powers that adults have: conceiving a plan, naming it, and carrying it out. Once I explained alone time to the children, it was real.

I said to the children, “After we have enjoyed a lot of games together, it can feel wonderful to have some time alone, some quiet time. Then we can think our own thoughts and have our own ideas and breathe slowly and enjoy the silence. Then we feel ready to play with others again. So each of you will have a special place for your alone time. You can choose one toy or game or book to have in your place. It has to be a game that you can play alone. Choose something you can play for a long time, because we will do this for ten minutes.” Then one by one I assigned the children a place and helped them choose an activity.

The room became so peaceful! Children live in a psychic space as much as a physical one, and it really did not matter that they could all see each other. They understood that they would be alone, and they acted that way. Although they may have protested at first, they really needed this time, and they sensed that. Their nervous systems had a chance to calm down. Their minds had a chance to reflect.

How many opportunities like this do we give children? Between home and school, life can become a never-ending series of stimulations, from other people, from video and audio media, and from impulsive change. It is no wonder that many children have difficulty taking quiet time; they don’t really know what it is. Stillness is as natural as breathing. When we adults give quiet time as much importance as eating or bathing or going to school, children learn to value it.

: : : Quiet periods come through practice, habit, and rhythm.