listening

Eric had some difficulty with rest time in kindergarten afterschool. Instead of lying down, he tended to run in a circle around the room. I had tried explaining the routine ahead of time, moving through a series of preparation activities, giving him physical activity before; but this boy just really didn’t want to rest. I waylaid him on his next pass around the room and moved him to the couch, lying on his back.

I said, “Eric, this is your spot for rest time; stay right in this spot.” I wasn’t holding him anymore, but he kept squirming as if trying to escape from a web of ropes. I was nearly at the end of mine. I looked straight into his eyes and said quietly and forcefully, “Eric, you are being so still!” To my eternal astonishment, his arms and legs went stiff. His wide eyes fixed on me, and he did not get up.

The suggestibility of young children is hard to overestimate. They act out exactly what is going on in their minds, and often the source of their behavior is a direct impulse from their environment. So why didn’t Eric listen to me more? I think he listened more closely than I realized, and possibly more closely than I really wanted.

Children interpret tone, facial expressions, body language, and literal meaning. They do not always recognize the adult’s thought process or social expectations, but they certainly know when adults are displeased. That negative focus can actually increase the behavior we think we are trying to stop. The words “stop touching the curtains” immediately strengthen the thought of touching the curtains. It takes great discipline to cultivate the habits of thought and speech that are always encouraging, but then see what the children do in response!