getting the same thing

What is fair for children?

“Fair” is a word that I have heard many children use, but rarely with much understanding. Usually when that word appears, it just means “what I want,” but disguised as an objective principle. It’s a very powerful word to use with adults, who want to be perceived as fair. I think if you really examine the language children use, it is often guided by a quest for power, with adults and with other children.

Fairness can be very superficial if it is based only on the appearance of getting the same thing. Why would we give the same thing to children of different ages, different temperaments, different family backgrounds, different abilities, or different passing impulses? We would then be reducing the concept of fairness to sheer mechanics, like cutting the brownies to an equal size.

When I give something to a child, I try to think of that child as an individual. Of course, as a teacher I also give importance to the idea of fairness. I see the variation in what children can do. I often give a range of choices, so that children can gravitate to what best suits them. I show them that I am trying to give them what they need, regardless of anyone else in the room. They usually come to trust that I know what I’m doing, and they realize that the glamor of what others have is actually quite thin.

When children trust the authority of adults, they no longer need to struggle as much for power. They become calmer, more self-assured, and more able to enjoy themselves.

: : : Fairness means feeling valued.